


If You're Watching This (I'm probably dead)

by ProbablyBeatrice



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon-Compliant, Emotional Hurt, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, I'm so sorry, Implied Relationships, M/M, Not A Fix-It, One Shot, Post-Endgame, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 15:13:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProbablyBeatrice/pseuds/ProbablyBeatrice
Summary: At Tony Stark's funeral, Steve discovers the new lab and the secret that it hides; a whole host of recordings for each member if the Avengers in the event of Tony's death, and one for himself.





	If You're Watching This (I'm probably dead)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry

  This funeral was one that Steve had never thought he would have to see.

  Of course he knew that Iron Man – and, by extension, Tony – wasn’t invincible. He knew that someday, someone or something big enough and strong enough would come along and Tony would just have to pick a fight with it for some reason or another. But he had assumed that he would be long dead by then. This wasn’t supposed to happen, he was supposed to live out a good life and _fuck_ , he had a daughter that he was leaving behind and a wife who now had to deal with this and that poor kid-

  A few deep breaths calmed him somewhat as he stared around the scene, determined to fight back the tears that threatened to blur his vision. Captain America didn’t cry. He looked at the family that Tony had left behind with guilt. It shouldn’t have been him. He was taken too soon.

  He retreated back into the house, wanting to get away from it all, and found himself in what he assumed was Tony’s new lab. Detritus from various projects that Tony must have been working on was scattered around the lab, almost obscuring the photos that he seemed to have kept of every Avenger and hero that he had ever grown close with. Pepper and Tony and Morgan, smiling as they rowed along the lake where the arc reactor was now floating, Tony and Peter at some sort of science award festival, Tony photobombing Natasha and Clint talking, because there was no other way to get Natasha to smile in a photo, Tony and Rhodey laughing at some absurd joke, and more, so many more that Steve couldn’t count.

  Tony and Steve, grinning at each other in front of a nearly destroyed Stark Tower, tired and worn out but glad with a job well done, on top of an old issue of a Captain America comic.

  Steve took a step towards it but tripped over, fumbling around and managing to grab onto the desk, cursing. This lab was built for a smaller lab than him.

  An old Iron Man helmet – more battered and beaten than the one that the funeral party had seen in the living room, and possibly one of the earlier models – flickered to life, dull blue eyes seeming to sparkle.

  “Now, if you’ve managed to disturb this then you’re either Rhodey or Cap,” a tinny voice remarked from a hologram that now stood in front of Steve, a confident smirk on his lips. “If you’re Rhodey, go ahead and switch this off and walk around some more; there’s a recording around here for you somewhere.”

  There was a pause, which Steve was thankful for. It gave him a few precious moments to relax a little and get over the shock. For a moment… for a moment he had thought that it really was Tony, and his breath had caught in his throat, heart hammering in his chest, ready to tell him how sorry he was, how much he had wanted to save him.

  “Anyway. Cap. Steve,” Tony began, the self-assured smile now gone from his lips. “If you’re watching this, I’m probably dead.” He gave a short laugh, scratching the back of his head with an awkwardness that didn’t suit him. “Dead or missing, actually. Never give up hope, huh? Unless, uh, you’ve seen the body.”

  There was a sigh, and Steve began to talk, wanting to tell someone, anyone, how he felt, even if it was just hologram-Tony. “Tony-”

  “Anyway,” holo-Tony continued, cutting him off, “I want you to know that whatever happened – however I seemed to feel about you at the time, however much we argued before…” He gave a hopeful smile in Steve’s direction, almost seeming to know where he stood. “I want you to stop beating yourself up about it, okay? Because I fucking know that you’re doing it. You’re beating yourself up about losing me, about losing whoever else we lost, maybe even losing yourself on the way.” He stood a step forwards, lifting up his arms. “But c’mon! You’re Captain America, right? You’ve got this. Star-spangled banner powers and all that other super-serum shit.”

  Steve nodded, seeming to register what holo-Tony was saying. There was some great sense of closure in being told to forgive himself by the man who’s forgiveness and approval he had sought for so long.

  Holo-Tony’s confident attitude swiftly disappeared, however, as he gazed off into the middle-distance, not even seeming to see Steve. How could he, of course? He was just a hologram, made by the real Tony in case… in case something like this happened. Still, he was as real and alive as Steve was ever going to find Tony Stark again.

  “I’m going to be real with you, Steve. I can’t predict how I die. I don’t know if we lose, if we win, if Thanos dies, if we bring everyone back… I don’t know that. But I can tell you this; whatever has happened, I’m sure that we did it together. Both of us. Like old times.” There was a pause, then a hopeful smile. “Take care of everyone for me when I can’t, won’t you?”

  Fixing a sure smirk onto his face one last name, he retreated backwards. “And tell the reporters that I died doing something heroic, won’t you?”

  With that final request, the hologram flickered out of existence, the eyes of the old Iron Man helmet growing dark, quite possibly for the last time.

  “Tony, I-” Steve managed to choke out a few words before breaking down, collapsing on the floor of the lab and hitting his fist against it in anger and guilt. “I could have saved you,” he hissed, furious at himself, staring up at the Iron Man helmet. “I could have saved you and I could have died. I _should_ have died. It should have been me, not you. Not you, Tony.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks, and this time he made no attempt to fight them back.

  Captain America didn’t cry.

  But Steve Rogers sure did. 


End file.
